Desire Lives in the Body
Reconnecting with What You Want
Feeling disconnected from desire? This practice will help you feel more.
Desire Lives in the Body: Reconnecting with What You Want
Desire isn’t always about sex. Sometimes it’s about sex, yes—but desire can also be about wanting to feel the sun on your skin. Wanting to move your body to music. Craving connection, beauty, sweetness, laughter, aliveness.
Desire is the pulse of wanting. The soft or urgent pull toward something that brings you pleasure, fulfillment, or meaning. It’s the quiet yes your body whispers—or the loud one it shouts—when something lights you up.
But here’s the hard part: a lot of us don’t feel desire anymore. Or we only feel a flicker. A ghost. A flash that disappears before we can fully experience it. And then we wonder:
Where did it go? What happened to me? Am I broken?
If this sounds familiar, let me be clear:
You’re not broken. Your desire isn’t gone.
It may just be… offline.
One of the most common reasons people come to see me is because they feel disconnected from their desire—sexual or otherwise. And we don’t start by “fixing” that. We start by exploring how connected they are to their body. Because here’s the truth:
Desire lives in the body. If you can’t feel your body, you probably can’t feel desire either.
So this blog isn’t just about desire—it’s about embodiment.
It’s about turning your body back on.
It’s about finding what’s already there and learning how to feel it again.
Where Does Desire Come From?
Desire doesn’t live in your to-do list. It doesn’t live in your logic, or your productivity, or your “shoulds.” It doesn’t live in shame or pressure.
It lives in your body.
That longing for a popsicle on a hot day? You might feel it in your tongue, your mouth, your belly, your genitals. That hunger to create something, to dance, to feel deeply seen or touched—it’s not just a thought. It’s a sensation. It’s a felt sense of movement in your system.
Many people feel desire in the pelvic floor. Some in the genitals. Some in the chest or belly. Others feel a tingling in their hands or a rush of warmth up their spine. Desire looks and feels a little different for everyone—but it is a full-body experience when you’re truly connected.
And if you're not used to being in your body—or you’ve learned to shut parts of yourself down—it makes sense that desire feels distant or foreign.
That’s okay. You're not doing anything wrong.
You're just ready to learn something new.
Reconnecting with Desire Through the Body
One of the most powerful ways to wake up your desire is through gentle, consistent self-exploration.
Let me be very clear:
This is not about masturbation. (Though yes, I love that too—and it absolutely has a place in desire work. But that’s not today’s practice.)
This is about becoming fluent in your body’s language.
When you don’t feel desire, I don’t want you to push harder or fake it. I want you to get curious. I want you to pause. I want you to feel.
You can do this with me in a session, or on your own in a quiet space. If you’re willing to take a few minutes and try something new, you might be surprised what starts to wake up inside you.
A Practice to Reawaken Your Desire
Step 1: Orient to Your Environment
Start outside your body.
I know that might sound counterintuitive, but we begin here to help your nervous system settle and regulate. It’s like giving your body a gentle reminder: You’re safe. You’re here. You can slow down now.
Look around your space. What do you see? Let your eyes land on something—anything—and just notice it. A texture. A color. The way light hits the surface.
Now listen. What do you hear? The hum of a fan? Birds outside? Your breath?
Can you smell anything? Feel anything on your skin? Taste anything?
Don’t judge—just notice.
This helps shift your system from fight-or-flight into something more grounded. You’re swinging the pendulum, gently regulating your internal state by coming into the here and now.
You don’t need to understand it perfectly. Just trust that something’s working already.
Step 2: Track What Your Body Likes
Now start to notice what you like. What draws you in?
Let your eyes move around the room. Let your body lead you toward something it enjoys. Maybe it’s the softness of a blanket. The color of a mug. The smoothness of wood under your fingers.
Notice what happens in your body when you encounter something pleasant.
For example:
“When I touch this soft blanket, my skin feels light. I feel warmth in my chest.”
“When I smell this pencil, my body tenses and pulls back. My stomach tightens.”
That’s your body talking to you. That’s sensation. That’s your nervous system giving you messages about what you enjoy and what you don’t.
Avoid going into the ‘why.’
Don’t overanalyze or chase a story. If the pencil reminds you of school and that stresses you out, great—but let that thought go. This practice is not about the past. It’s about now.
Just notice. Just feel.
Step 3: Turn Inward — Part by Part
Now that you’re aware of your surroundings and how your body responds, it’s time to gently bring your awareness inward.
Close your eyes if that feels safe.
Begin to scan your body, piece by piece, without touching it. Use your imagination, your breath, and subtle muscle movements to feel into each part.
Start with your hands. What do they feel like right now, as part of you? Maybe cold. Maybe heavy. Maybe relaxed.
Move to your thighs. You might gently contract your leg muscles to bring awareness. What do they feel like? Warm? Strong? Neutral?
Continue to move through each part of your body:
Feet, calves, hips, belly, chest, shoulders, neck, jaw, face.
You’re not trying to change anything. You’re simply getting to know yourself. You’re gathering information.
You’re saying to your body:
“I’m here. I’m listening.”
Step 4: Invite Desire Into the Conversation
Now that you’re feeling more present in your body, bring to mind something you want. Something you like. Something you desire.
Keep it simple. Keep it real.
This is not a fantasy exercise—it’s about felt sense.
Maybe it’s:
“I’m hot and would love a popsicle.”
“I’m tired and really want to nap in the sun.”
“I’m craving a salty, crunchy snack.”
“I want to dive into cold water.”
Now—feel what it would be like to do that thing.
Let yourself imagine it, but more importantly, feel it.
Feel what it’s like to bite into that popsicle. Feel the coolness on your tongue. Feel your belly respond. Feel your shoulders relax. Feel the satisfaction.
And now, here’s the big moment: bring your pelvic floor and your genitals online.
Yes, even for the popsicle.
Gently contract the muscles around your genitals and pelvic floor. Invite this part of your body to come into the moment with you. Let it feel the pleasure. The cool. The delight. The wanting. The satisfaction.
You don’t need to turn it into a sexual thought.
But if something sexual does arise, that’s okay too.
A Note for Those Working Through Sexual Trauma or Disconnection
If thinking about sexual desire feels activating, confusing, or painful right now, that’s okay. You don’t need to go there. In fact, I encourage you to choose a desire that’s not related to sex at all.
Pick something that feels familiar, safe, and enjoyable.
Let your body re-learn what desire feels like, in a way that’s gentle and doable.
We’ll get to the other stuff, if and when you’re ready. There’s no rush.
There are other practices we can do that specifically explore sexual desire. But this one? It’s about connection. About letting your whole body come back online.
Desire is a Muscle You Can Strengthen
If your desire feels like it’s disappeared, I promise you—it hasn’t.
It might be buried under stress. Or fear. Or numbness. Or disconnection.
But it’s still there.
Desire doesn’t need to be forced. It needs to be felt.
By practicing embodiment—by learning how to listen to your body without judgment—you start to create space for desire to return.
And when it does?
It’s not just something you think about.
It’s something you live.
Want Help Feeling More?
Come to my group class “Sex, Power, and Connection: what’s it got to do with love”
where we practice this exercise and learn about our core desires in a safe and relaxed space. I’ll gently guide you through the exercise while I attune and connect to the group.
More:
If you're ready to reconnect with your body, awaken your desire, and feel more deeply—I'd love to support you. Whether you're dealing with low sexual desire, general numbness, or just want to feel more alive in your life, I can help.
Together, we’ll create a plan that’s gentle, practical, and grounded in your body’s wisdom.
You deserve to feel. You deserve to want. You deserve to reconnect.
And you don’t have to do it alone.
