The Dangerous Lie About Doms

When Abusers Pretend to Be Doms

In the world of D/s, there is a sacred trust.
A Dom is not just a person who gives orders. A Dom is a leader, protector, and fierce fucking caretaker of the person who kneels before them.

When that trust is abused — by fakes, by abusers, by people who think "Domination" means "I do whatever I want because I'm in charge" — it wounds more than just the sub.
It damages the entire community.

And I'm here to tell you: enough is enough.

This blog is for both of you:
— For my beautiful subs who are looking for care and connection.
— For the Doms out there who need to hear the goddamn truth about the weight you are carrying (or fucking up entirely).

Let’s get into it.

Defining Consent and CNC

First, we have to define terms, because a lot of people out here like to weaponize them.
Consent is clear, informed, enthusiastic agreement. It is ongoing and can be revoked at any time.
If you don't have consent — you have abuse. Periodt.

CNC (Consensual Non-Consent) scenes are negotiated where the sub agrees ahead of time to appear to resist or protest. But it is still consented to, it is still negotiated, and it is still sacred.

If you're a Dom and you're using "CNC" as an excuse to hurt someone without full, informed negotiation — you're not a Dom. You're an abuser hiding behind kink language. Get out.

Protocols: Low, Medium, and High

Protocols are the rules that define the dynamic.

• Low Protocol might mean casual scenes, fewer formalities.

• Medium Protocol adds more structure: specific behaviors, responses, rules.

• High Protocol is strict, ritualistic, every move intentional and often publicly displayed.

ALL of them require consent. ALL of them must be fully agreed upon.
A sub doesn't "owe" you high protocol unless they've negotiated that with you.

Negotiations, Safe Words, and Core Desires

Negotiations are where the magic begins.
A great Dom listens. A great Dom asks the right questions. A great Dom gives a fuck about what the sub actually wants to experience — not what they want to force the sub to experience.

Safe words exist for a reason. They are NOT optional.
But real Doms? They don't only listen for safe words — they watch, they feel, they stay connected so deeply that they know when something’s off before the sub even has to say it.

And listen up:
If you are a sub who isn’t sure yet what you want, a great Dom will help you feel it out, not rush you, not pressure you, not punish you for "not knowing."
Exploration is part of the journey.

The point of the scene is this:
The sub gets what they came for.

Doms Should Be Masters of Connection — Not Disassociation

If you are a Dom who disassociates in order to inflict pain, you're not a Dom — you're dangerous.
A Dom should be more in their body than ever during a scene — attuned to their own emotions, locked into the sub’s body language and signals.

Pain given for your own gratification?
Pain given without attunement?
Pain because it turns you on but not because it fulfills your sub's negotiated desires?

That is not D/s. That is sociopathy dressed up in leather.

A Dom is Responsible. Always.

I don’t care if the sub didn’t use the safe word.
I don’t care if the sub said “keep going” two minutes before.

A real Dom is always responsible for what happens in the scene.

If you notice your sub freezing, shutting down, disconnecting —
You stop.
You check in.
You hold them.
You call "yellow" or "red" if needed — even if they don’t.

Responsibility is non-negotiable.

Leadership is non-negotiable.

Presence is non-negotiable.

Aftercare: The Part Nobody Talks About Enough

Aftercare isn’t just cuddling and snacks.
It’s the space where you debrief the scene.

— What felt good?
— What felt off?
— Where did you feel most connected?
— Was there anything you needed more or less of?

A Dom who can't handle feedback isn't a Dom — they're a liability.

The goal isn't to be perfect.
The goal is to be better every time. For you and your sub.

Red Flags Subs Need to Know

If you’re a sub, hear me:
If you don’t feel safe enough to ask questions — that's your red flag.
If you don’t feel seen, heard, or respected — that's your red flag.
If the Dom gets angry — ever — during a scene or negotiation — RUN.

Control is calm.
Control is collected.

Control is power in service of connection, not domination for domination’s sake.

Without Subs, None of This Exists

Subs, you are precious.
You are sacred.
You are the reason this entire fucking dynamic even exists.

Without you, Doms wouldn't have the privilege to lead, to protect, to guide.

I adore you.
And if you choose to kneel for me, I promise you this:
I will care for you with the same intensity that I discipline you.
You will never be alone — not emotionally, not physically.

That is what a real Dom does.

A Call to the Doms (and the Dom Curious)

If you want to be a Dom:
Find someone who lives the leadership, presence, connection, and discipline you desire.
Train.
Practice.
Commit.
And don't ever forget —
You are responsible for every. single. second. that someone gives you their submission.

They are handing you the most vulnerable parts of themselves.
Treat that as the sacred fucking honor that it is.

Final Word:

Being a Dom isn’t about power. It's about service.
And if you're not ready for that?
Sit down and stay out of my sacred world.

We protect our own here.
We lift each other up.
We heal the damage that predators try to cause.

And we do it with pride, with strength, and with fucking love.

Want to learn how to do it the right way?
Want to experience what true D/s connection really feels like?
Work with me.
Whether you’re a sub ready to feel safe and seen, or a Dom ready to learn the art of real leadership —
I’m here for you.
Let’s change the scene together.