How to Enjoy the Holidays Even When Family is Less Than Perfect
Enjoying the holidays doesn’t mean shrinking yourself, people-pleasing, pretending things just roll off you, or engaging in every old fight out of habit. It means choosing your responses intentionally—grounded in your body, your values, and your capacity.
You don’t need to brace for impact or armor up. You also don’t need to change who you are to be loved.
What is powerful is deciding that this year, you get to respond differently.
Sometimes that looks like naming a boundary with clarity and compassion.
“Hey Mom, I know giving advice is how you show love. I notice it brings up defensiveness in me. I’d love to talk about this after the new year—but tonight, can we focus on enjoying each other?”
That’s not confrontation. That’s self-leadership.
Sometimes it looks like not engaging. Letting a familiar comment pass without grabbing onto it—not because it’s okay, but because you’re choosing your peace over the pattern of fighting every battle you once did. Empathy matters here.
Remembering that others are on their own emotional journeys—and that you were once there too—can soften your perspective enough to keep your nervous system steady.
And sometimes it looks incredibly simple: stepping outside to “grab something from the car” and taking the long way. Feel your feet hit the ground. Breathe in cold air or warm sun. Let your shoulders drop.
Let your body remember, I’m safe.
This is your holiday too. You are an adult, and you get to decide how you participate. You might find that playing games with the kids fills you with more joy than sharing gossip with the grown-ups. Or maybe you take a quiet walk with someone you rarely get to see, letting the conversation unfold without agenda. Perhaps you step away to curl up for a short nap, or sit alone with a warm drink and a window.
None of these choices are avoidance—they’re discernment. They’re you honoring your body, your capacity, and what truly nourishes you in this moment. Peace, love, freedom, and perseverance—notice how each one shows up for you.
Look for the quiet, miraculous magic that appears when things are slowed down and nothing is under pressure.
You can’t change anyone. And you don’t have to change yourself. What shifts everything is showing up regulated, unrushed, and grounded. That steadiness has a ripple effect. People feel it—even if they don’t know why.
Somatic tip to take with you:
Before responding to anything that feels charged, pause. Press your feet into the floor. Inhale slowly through your nose. Exhale longer than you inhale. Notice one place in your body that feels even a little calm—and stay there for a few breaths. That pause is where choice lives.
