The Missing Peace

If I were to simplify the work I do with clients down to one essential skill, it would be this: learning how to regulate the nervous system. This single practice has the potential to shift how we live and relate—not just individually, but collectively. Imagine if more of us could stay calm and grounded under stress: conversations would soften, connection would deepen, and perhaps the bigger issues plaguing our society wouldn’t feel so impossible to solve.

But my job isn’t to fix the world. My job is right here—with you. And the truth is, most of us never learned nervous system regulation. Instead, we picked up habits like shutting down, lashing out, or numbing when we felt too much. These were survival strategies, but they don’t serve us well in adulthood.

Co-regulation is something different. It’s the experience of another human being’s calm presence helping your body find its way back to balance. It happens between friends, partners, even strangers sometimes. Think about a moment when someone’s steady breathing, warm tone, or grounded presence helped you settle. That’s co-regulation. And yes—it really works.

What if you and your partner could sit together in an emotionally charged conversation and stay steady—no fear of rejection, no impulse to defend or blame? Just two nervous systems syncing up, making it possible to talk, listen, and stay connected. That’s the kind of peace I believe we’re all longing for, and it begins with the simple, powerful skill of learning what your body feels like when it’s disrupted—and what it feels like when it’s regulated.

That’s where the work begins. And it’s work worth doing.

By My Own Admission- this is late

I’ve lived with debilitating anxiety since I was a child. Over time, I traced its beginnings back to 2nd grade—which, I’ve since learned, isn’t all that unusual for those of us with autism. Anxiety has followed me through school, work, parenting, and so many social events. I’ve missed prom, skipped gatherings, and sat out of everyday life more times than I can count because of its grip.

One of the biggest triggers for me is the sense that I’m not meeting hidden expectations. It feels like disappointment is closing in on me from every angle—a heavy, suffocating presence. For most of my life, I fought that heaviness by working harder, pushing myself to achieve, to perform, to prove my worth. I carried a deep wound: the belief that I am only worthy of love if I earn it. That wound shaped me into someone who is driven, passionate, persistent, and tenacious. From the outside, those traits looked like strengths. Inside, though, they felt harsh, unrelenting, and exhausting. I couldn’t relax. Rest felt like disappearing inside my body.

Two years ago, I started trying something new: I began turning down the intensity of my drive. For me, that meant softening my body so that it felt moldable to fit where it needed me to go. It meant removing expectations I placed on myself—or, at the very least, offering myself a generous helping of grace. If I was tired, sore, overwhelmed, or simply didn’t want to do something right then, I gave myself permission to pause.

The practice isn’t perfect, but it has been life-changing. Now, when discomfort rises, I don’t automatically push harder. I ask myself: “If you stop and rest, will it make you feel better or worse?” This week, that question came up around this very newsletter. Staying up late to write would have cost me sleep and left my mind racing all night. So instead, I went to bed.

And the newsletter went out on Saturday instead of Friday. Would you hate me for it? Probably not. But if you did, that would just open a conversation—and I’d love the chance to connect with you more deeply.

So here it is: a newsletter born from rest, from grace, and from the belief that worth doesn’t have to be earned.

Every Sunday morning starting:

September 14th 8am at
I-Lan Park Shelter

12601 Nall Avenue Leawood, KS 66209

The event is free (donations accepted)- Please register : https://www.eventbrite.com/e/somatic-walking-group-tickets-1661008393819?aff=oddtdtcreator