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“Is it me? Maybe it’s me.” It’s one of the most common questions people quietly carry in relationships. Am I too much? Not enough?
Too sensitive? Too distant? Why does this feel harder for me than it seems to for other people? So you try to figure it out. You think about your patterns.
You replay conversations. You analyze what you said, what they said, what you should have said. You try to improve, adjust, communicate better, be more self-aware. You do all the “right” things. And still… something feels off. That’s usually the moment people turn inward and decide:
I must just not be good at relationships. But what if that’s not actually true? What if the issue isn’t that you’re bad at relationships, but that you’ve been taught to do them almost entirely from your head? Because here’s what often gets missed: Connection isn’t something you solve. It’s something you feel. Did you just feel something when you read that? And most people were never taught how to stay connected to their body while being connected to another person. So instead, you might notice yourself:
Trying to think your way into feeling secure or talking yourself out of discomfort instead of listening to it. Saying “it’s fine” while something inside you tightens or pulls back. Needing clarity, reassurance, or certainty—but not quite trusting it when it’s given Not because you’re doing anything wrong but because your body isn’t fully on board. The body has its own language. It shows up as a tight chest, shallow breath, a subtle sense of bracing, or the opposite—a softening, an opening, a grounded exhale. That information is constant, but if you’re used to prioritizing logic over sensation, it’s easy to miss—or override. And when that happens, relationships can start to feel confusing. You might understand that everything is okay, but not actually feel that it is. That gap—between what you think and what you feel—is where a lot of people start questioning themselves. Not because they’re bad at relationships but because they’re disconnected from the part of themselves that actually experiences connection. So instead of asking, “What’s wrong with me?” try something a little different: What am I feeling right now?
Where do I notice that in my body?
Am I open… or am I bracing? No need to rush to an answer or to fix it. Just noticing is enough to begin. Because the moment you start including your body in the experience, relationships stop being something you have to constantly figure out and start becoming something you can actually feel your way through.
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